Have you just been dumped by your boyfriend, girlfriend — or even the person you were planning to marry? Are you feeling like it’s the end of the world? Can’t focus at work, don’t want to get out of bed?
Here are the top 5 ways to feel better after a breakup and mend your broken heart.
5. Acknowledge what happened
You can’t start to get over it until you acknowledge to yourself what really happened. Whose fault was it? Yours? Theirs? Nobody’s? The dog’s? (I hope not!) The best way to do this step is by writing things down. Sitting and thinking is fine, and talking is great too (we’ll get to that in the next step), but nothing beats putting words to paper (or computer screen). I like paper because there’s just something real, old fashioned, and cozy about it. Holding that pen in your hand, seeing the words in real ink. There’s a sense of permanence. But hey, you’re on a computer now, so stick with that if you want to. But try to answer these questions: When did the problems start? What caused them? Is there something you could have said or done? Were you wanting to be with this person for 5 years? The rest of your life? Is it definitely over, for good? What will you look for in the next relationship? Were you being the best person you could? Can you do better next time?
4. Talk it out
Who’s the one person you can REALLY talk to you? (Aside from your ex, of course!) Your mom, your dad, your best friend? Maybe your big sister or little brother, maybe the neighbor across the hall or across the street. Whoever it is, get to talking. But make sure you pick somebody who really listens. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a lot of people don’t really listen these days…they just kind of sit there and watch you while you talk, waiting for their turn to say something about themselves. Please — don’t go to that person. Think through the people in your life and stick with the ones who will truly listen and respond to what you are saying about yourself. They don’t have to solve things for you — they can’t, really — but they should be willing to offer sympathy and understanding.
3. Work on yourself
Having your heart broken takes a severe toll on your self-esteem. You can feel as small and awkward as a first-grader at a new school — with the low confidence to match. Your goal should be to remember what’s great about YOU, why YOU deserve better, why YOU are still a good person, a strong person, a desirable person. How do you accomplish this seemingly impossible feat? Go to the library or your local book store and spend some time in the self-help section. Forests have been felled to make the paper to print all the books on this topic. And believe it or not, even just flipping through them and reading the tables of contents can get your mind working. Once you find one that strikes a chord, spend the money, take it home, and read it. Seriously, it’ll do you good.
2. Spend time with family and friends
Recent research has shown the incredible importance of our personal social networks — and no, I’m not talking about Facebook and Twitter. I’m talking about friends and family, people we spend time with, people we care about and who care about us. Those who actively take part in a social life, even with just a few close friends, are healthier and live longer than those who don’t. Along the same lines, your broken heart won’t feel quite so broken after you’ve had lunch with your mom, hung out with your buddies, or gone to a movie with your best friend. And I’m not just repeating step #2 here. You don’t even have to talk about your breakup. Just being with them and feeling the love is what matters.
1. Figure out if it’s really over
Absolutely the #1 thing you need to do is figure out if the relationship is really, truly over. Because you know what? It might not be. People break up and get back together all the time. Sometimes we’ve invested too much of ourselves in that person to let them go without a fight. And no matter who ended it, YOU might have to fight for the relationship! Think about it, is there some chance you could fix things? What are the chances? If it’s anything greater than zero, then it’s probably worth a shot. The first 4 items in this list were all working toward this final one. You’ve written things down…talked about them with someone who listens…made yourself a better person…and felt the emotional support of those who care about you. Now use all that to make your final decision — is it REALLY over? If it is, move on to the next relationship. If it’s not — start figuring out what YOU are going to do to fix things.
I like to help people by giving them the inspiration they need to feel better and take control of their lives. Getting back together may be the best way to FEEL better…if you agree, then you really ought to Check This Out Now. I like surfing the web, working out, watching GOOD reality TV shows, writing, and running businesses. I’m married with a young daughter.