You just don’t understand men. Why does he get your number but doesn’t call, or why does he disappear after the second date, or why, after you’ve been dating for six months, do you have no idea where the relationship is headed or, worse, if you’re actually in a relationship? Sister, I feel your pain. Divorced after 10 years of marriage, I dove into the dating scene again and….I didn’t exactly make a big splash. Oh, I had plenty of dates – one date after the other. Or a few dates, and then…fizzle. And yet, I was going out with some good guys. (Okay, there were a few losers in there, but that’s another conversation, preferably over margaritas.) I had to conclude that, as fabulous as I am (ahem), I just did not understand guys very well. But at the same time, I had also wonderful, long-term friendships with men. I got along with men great…unless I was dating them. Why weren’t my romantic relationships as good as my male friendships? What was it that I understood about my male friends but just didn’t get about the guys I was dating? And that’s when the light bulb flashed. I actually understood a lot about men – I just needed to apply what I had learned from my male friends to my dates. Once I did, my dating life went from frustrating to fantastic! I’ve listed a few tips below that I hope will help you understand men a little better too.
These are our top 5 hints for understanding men:
5. Stop Trying to Be a Mind Reader
If you ask a guy what he’s thinking and he’s says nothing…he’s telling the truth. There’s nothing to figure out about this. Spend your mental energy on something else. This leads me to…
4. Men Don’t Read Minds
If you want/need him to know something, just tell him.
3. Tell a Guy Your Problem and He’ll Think You’re Asking Him to Fix It
So, be wise about bringing up all your troubles right away. Please don’t be inauthentic or lie about your life. Just keep in mind, a guy is a doer. He wants to fix problems so they’ll go away and he won’t have to talk about them. If you unload a whole truckload of problems on him, he’ll want you to go away. And think about it, wouldn’t you feel the same if he did that to you?
2. See Your Guy As A Friend
A solid relationship is grounded in friendship. You accept your friends for who they are, right? (At least I hope you do). You don’t pressure them to do or be this or that and you don’t set expectations that they’re going to be the center of your life. You enjoy each other as people. And you ever notice? Friends usually open up to each other. They listen to each other. A guy who feels comfortable and accepted will probably talk to you. And communication is the key to understanding him. He’s likely not going to yak your ear off with every detail of his day or his inner angst, but if you’re actually listening when he talks, you’ll learn a lot about him. Note: Please don’t over analyze and pick apart what he says. If you do that to a friend, they’ll stop talking to you. Same with a guy. And now for the most important tip of all…
1. What He Does Is More Important Than What He Says
Do his words and his actions line up? This is the single most important way to understand a guy. He can tell you anything he wants but it is what he actually does that reveals how he thinks and feels. And really pay attention to the kind of action because it’s the unexpected gesture that speaks volumes. It’s lovely when a guy brings you a dozen red roses on Valentine’s Day, but a guy who always remembers how you like your hamburger…that small action says a lot about how he feels. Once I was buried with work and trying hard to get everything done before I had to take a trip out of town.The guy I was dating surprised me by thoughtfully washing my car and filling it with gas – my car was already to go when it was time to leave.
On the other hand, does the guy you’re dating consistently forget to call? Do you have a great date and then don’t hear from him for days or weeks? Is he always late? Do you hear all about his problems (or his ex) but he doesn’t have time to talk about your life? You aren’t going to change things by scolding or crying. His actions are telling you where he’s coming from. Be grateful for the information and move on to someone who will really care about you.
Article by: Susie B.