Going through a break up is a very painful experience and is especially true if you’ve been dealt the pink slip. As with most traumatic experiences, there are stages that we go through to deal with our loss and it’s important that we don’t lock ourselves in one of these stages for a prolonged period of time. Many of us invest everything in our relationship because one has to protect it and improve it to make it last. It shouldn’t surprise you how much pain it causes when it ends and the best thing to do is to grow from it and come out as a better person because of it.
These are the top 5 phases of the end of a relationship:
5. Self Destructive Mode
You may feel like going into a self-destructive mode as if the world has ended, but let me assure you time does heal everything. At this point, you don’t really know how exactly you are feeling. A few days later you may feel much better, but it is also true that you might feel much worse. All I can say is, “don’t be afraid of the rush of emotions you are about to feel the first few days after a breakup”. If it hurts, let it hurt and cry to ease the pain if you have to. If it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person or that you haven’t loved, it may just simply mean that you have accepted the outcome. This much I can assure you of, you will meet someone new and you will once again be happy.
4. Feeling Vulnerable
You will be an easy target for those who have been waiting and maybe even praying for your breakup. You will feel lonely and vulnerable but this is no time to jump into any relationship. You want to take the positives from even negative experiences and to do that you need to heal as a strong independent person.
3. Denial Period
This is the period in which you do or say things that make you blush years after the experience. Calling your ex after getting drunk, continuing to ask why he or she broke up with you, and to finish it off, you will cry your eyes out begging your ex to come back to you.
2. Positive Energy
If for the better, you may have taken some time off for yourself to heal and try to move on with your life. The less ideal but more frequently occurring case would be to sulk in bitterness. Either way is fine, we all have different ways of dealing with adversity, but none the less its always better to channel your emotions into something positive. Bring something new into your life, get a pet or take up a new hobby. It sounds simple enough but it will be enough to help you diffuse negative energy and have you thinking positive thoughts.
This is the period of acceptance. The thing is, you may still be in love with your ex even at this point. The difference between the way you feel now as opposed to stages 2 thru 5 is that you’ve accepted that the breakup has happened. You’ve looked back and realized the mistakes that might have caused the break up and you accept your responsibility.
You are finally free when you reach stage 1, but you still have a decision to make. Do you start a relationship with someone new? Or do you win your ex back now that you’ve grown from your experience? Whatever happens from stage 1, you will be ready to deal with it.
Article by: Derek Kim
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